Pear... A Satirical Composition.

Sep. 15, 2017

You'll never believe all that I've accomplished today; legendary shit you guys! Once you hear about this life altering way of being you will never be the same. Of course I'm not selling anything, I would never do THAT to you, I just feel so.. well... Selfish keeping this in and all to myself. Everyone deserves to know what has got me feeling so ALIVE lately. 😀💪

It's this brand new product brought to you by Pear. You know, the revolutionary creators of all of your favorite life saving products. Like the Purest eEssential elements, eBasic Water, and the life changing eDiet.

This brand new, never seen before product is called O² Squared. Just when you didn't think Oxygen could be any more life sustaining, Pear has once again outdone themselves. Formulating this special Oxygen blend that doesn't even require BREATHING. It literally permeates the dermal layers to feed starving cells, particularly those of the respiratory tract.(*this claim has not been evaluated or approved by the FDA*) Athletes are stronger, faster; Engineers are sharper. And doctors and nurses can survive on even Less sleep! 😉 Just think of the possibilities!!! Unfortunately the sick and dying can't afford it..yet.. You know the one's who actually need it. But they have a plan to fix that too. THEY CAN DO ANYTHING!*

Joking aside...Partially...

Honestly guys, if You Know Who sold Oxygen at a fancy price, in a fancy package, and made fancy (and false) claims.... We would buy it, claiming that air pollution is the leading cause of poor health. We would NEED it! We would lease it, saying that it's for the good of future generations; I mean think of how this technology could help the sick, right?. We would rent it; selling our Left lung for the down payment ,(that incompetent, bi-lobed loser!) in order to afford it. Cutting off our noses to spite our faces. It WOULD be better than we're breathing now, obviously.. but at what cost?

Tjis new ONE would be incompatible with "life as we know it." Naturally, 100% incompatible with our old Oxygen; I mean, come on, trash and class don't mix... And what happens when the new, new Oxygen comes out? Once again incompatible and conflicting with the last.
We would stop socializing face to face in order to stay in our little bubbles of ("Fresh, fancy, Oxygen"). 🤔 Not unlike... Nevermind...

I've never been a fan of You Know Who's politics, and you won't find me with an iProduct because of it; that's just me. I'm not dissing the technology; they have a knack for perfecting, streamlining, and repopularizing something that already exists. Beautiful things come from their company's insight and enginuity.
And I'm definitely not dissing or ridiculing iSubscribers for having good taste and enjoying the new and shiny. I like me some "new new" as well. But surely we 'see' what they're doing, and what they're turning us into. The Industrial Revolution lasted 80ish years. This new Hand Held Technological Revolution is only on about year 12-15. The cost and competition are astronomical already... What will it be like in 20+ years? The race to find new ways to dehumanize, and disentigrate what was once known as social humanity is on, and it's flying by. I hope we can all keep up. 📲🏁