I Need A Fucking Beauty Line!

Jun. 2, 2017

If you haven't already noticed from the title, this one is so not PG. Hide yo kids (or at least warn them that Fee Fee is on a soap box that is NEVER hypoallergenic).. If you've already read my BLOG on HS, some of this will be a review, the rest of you can ask your friends who "already know".

So, am I the only one who is super annoyed by every celebrity who claims to have "problem skin" and therefore needs a beauty line?! No, rich bitches! I NEED A FUCKING BEAUTY LINE!!!! One that actually works, I can afford, and won't leave me hanging the moment I get attached. Yeah.. we hurt every single time you discontinue an item that "saved us". Aww, I'm so sorry that my item that fixes scars formed by psoriasis in those that are very pale doesn't sell well in Chile. Well guess what?! Sarah Mae on a Mission in Chile counted on that to make her feel beautiful, assholes! Make it in limited availability at least, don't discontinue it! We have already bent to the will of money grubbing men and accepted that we will pay a higher tax for what is ours, so just make it and let us have it!

I believe firmly that you shouldn't complain about a problem without presenting a workable solution, so here goes. My own fucking beauty line šŸ’šŸ¾. It encompasses all. Skin care, Makeup, and Haircare.
I'm short a few mill, support, and endorsements, but I have the know how. I've been conducting science experiments in my bedroom since I was six. That's like elevendy years of experience in the science world. Plus I have a Bachelor's of Science, and a License to Treat and Heal! #Booyah!
Sidenote **Word to the wise, look for and throw out those silica bead packets that come in purses and shoes if you have small science curious children, I used to collect those fuckers and make poisonous oil out them as a kid. Mom tried, but I got them everywhere; I did some really stupid shit in the name of science as a kid (Rachel if you're reading this STOP LAUGHING!)*** Mom's been throwing out my failed experiments, and mold for years now. Geeze, now that she's moved back in, not a lot has changed. I make my own face and hair mask, and I hate dishes, so... But.. the ones that work, are epic (like my masks). I can so do this! šŸ¤£ Seriously though!

Why the categories listed above? Because I am a problem child with problem skin and hair. My mom has called my hair and skin "High Maintenance" since I was 12. Needing prescription ointments, lotions, and bimonthly salon appointments. My hair literally only responds to products that cost more than $22 a bottle and have no preservatives; just ask the friends who've helped me move. The majority of the trash is half full bottles and containers of goop. The money I've spent on the trial and error bottles under my bathroom sink could've solved North Carolina's children's hunger problem for at least 2 years. And this is me being 100% honest (I'm not proud of it, but it's my reality). If you've ever looked at me, and thought, "Whoa, her hair looks great today" It'sā€‹ because I used the good stuff that cost two paychecks and a day of prep. If you though "Ummm.. Is Fee ok, her hair is like... Uhh?" That's because I used bargain products that I was sure would save $$ and work as well. NOPE!

Same with my skin. There is not one single foundation or powder from a convenient store that my skin likes. Even the Cover girl "Clean" breaks me out. The Neutrogena "Clear" for acne, doesn't cover and clogs pores after a shift, and everything else that does match and cover literally acts as an antagonist. My skin actually revolts in it's presence. Maybelline, True Match, even Bare Minerals which was my BFF through college can no longer get me through the day. You name it, and my skin has smacked it down. I went a year using airbrush makeup too. It was a tough year. After a bad break up, and my skin wouldn't see a brush at all; she's since been a bit more receptive. So yes I own an airbrush system (HMU for your special occasions šŸ˜‰) I've literally tried it all. Avon is a joke, like that stuff you get when you're 13 and playing dress up to go to the mall. And Mary Kay actually matches, covers, but turned me into a shiny mess after 4 hours. After a full day of wear, it clogs pores to the point where you want to peel your face off. So beauty counter it is. Clinique is the preference. Acne Solutions Foundation runs $28 a bottle and that last ~3wks with daily use. Yes it is expensive, but I wouldn't turn my back on them for ANYTHING; I can literally sleep in the stuff and wake up feeling pretty. Problem is that not many girls use "Fresh Ginger" in that particular foundation, so I know that my time is probably limited; which makes me so sad. It makes me feel me, pretty and jovial. Only two stores that carry Clinique have it 100% of the time, and still then sometimes I have to order it. On my stress list makeup availability ranks in the top 5, and that should NEVER be the case. Do men ever have to stress out about if the store is going to have their shaving essentials? I think not... I can't speak for all women, but I'm not hiding when I put on makeup; I'm getting ready for the day. Some people would never head out and attack the day without a tie, I would never head out and attack the day without my "fresh ginger." Yes, yes I know; first world problems... But it's my routine; much like shaving for a man or showering for any responsible human. I don't put on a full 15 minute face going to pick up a few things from the grocery, or for a late night with the family. And yes, I swear sitting in front of my vanity; all it takes is 15 minutes to apply my makeup start to finish (but that is never my routine unless I'm not home). My normal routine is broken into eyes, shower, then face, and is more like 10 minutes total.

My mom is "That Mom" the one that has the gross pet names, and tells me I'm beautiful. She always says that I don't need makeup to be pretty, of course. In the guise of saving money recently; (good Lord Asheville rent is no joke) I decided to wear Neutrogena makeup on those "lazy days". Back home from a day of running errands, shopping, and grocery getting, mom takes a seat on the corner of my bed. "Can I say something?" She asks. "Sure" I reply "Can you do me a favor?" "Umm, ok depends" "Just go back to wearing Clinique makeup, doesn't matter the cost." This from my doting MOM! The law says that she has to think I'm pretty even if I look like the Elephant Man, and she's telling me to go back to the light. That told me many things. 1. My mom doesn't really love me (jk) 2. My skin is one high maintenance MFer! When I left the house that day, I was cute, by the time I got home, I was worse than Quasimodo!!! I just need to create four lines of makeup one for each of the main problem skin types, then one extra sensitive light buildable liquid matte. Made to order of course, to cut production cost and because it will be preservative free; AND in EVERY shade. Why do the darkest of darks and the lightest of light have to suffer? Makes no sense; they want their ties too! And I would never forget about undertones for they are everything; are you a yellow, green, or cool blue? My skin care line will realize that you're Nude isn't my Nude, and I wouldn't be so pompus to think it would or could be. Send me a picture of your skin blanched and unblanched and I'll make you a foundation for the month! I really have this all figured out; now for the partner and the $$.

So, let's talk expsnsion. Since I have HS (see previous post for details on my self diagnosed disorder) certain soaps, detergents, and deodorants can serve as triggers (triggers for giant painful third world boils) to my faulty immune system. I'm already on Johnson and Johnson baby wash (mixed with Bath and Body Works, because I must smell like a lady; my diva skin can't take everything from me), free and clear detergent (in detergent's defense, anything else has me in me hives), and Au nauturelle deodorant that's costing me $14 a pit. I was thinking my company could branch out once we proved to the masses and the bank that we've got this. I can't be the only person that breaks out in hives when I'm in my workplace for more than three consecutive 12 hour shifts (the ventilation sucks, and my body is a freak of nature= freakazoid) right?! We need this!!! Who's with me?!?! I have thoroughly thought this through, have a company name, and thanks to a nifty app you are looking at my company's LOGO!! šŸ˜„šŸ˜